mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
