Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
