take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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