I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
