I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
