I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
