if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
