One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
