There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
