i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
