im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
