I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
