we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
