people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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