you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
