we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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