he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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