The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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