Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
