I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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