Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
