i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
