I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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