she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
