help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
