MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
