How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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