Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
