oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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