Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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