so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
