dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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