its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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