I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
