This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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