On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's always time for handjobs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
