I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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