i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
