Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
