You just made me feel so damn special
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
