K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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