Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
