I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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