i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
