ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
