it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
