Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You don't make any sense
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