Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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