so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
