So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
