ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
