He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
