Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
