just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
